Find a Marriage and Family Therapist

What is a Marriage and Family Therapist?

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) is a counselor who helps couples and families. They have special training to work with relationship problems. Unlike other therapists who help with many different issues, a marriage therapist focuses only on relationships and family problems. Family counseling is their main specialty.

These therapists understand how families work together. They know that when one person in a family has problems, it affects everyone else. They help families learn better ways to talk to each other and solve problems together.

What type of Training do MFT’s receive?

Becoming a marriage and family therapist takes a lot of education and practice. Here's what they need to do:

• Going to School: All marriage and family therapists must finish college and then get a master's degree. This takes about 6-7 years of school total. During their master's program, they learn about families, relationships, and how to help people.
• Getting Experience: After school, they need to work with real families for thousands of hours while an experienced therapist watches and helps them. Most states require 3,000 to 4,000 hours of this practice time. This is like having a very long internship.
• Taking Tests: Before they can work on their own, they must pass hard tests that show they know how to help families safely and correctly.
• Keeping Up with Learning: Even after they become licensed, they must keep learning new things every year. They take classes to stay up-to-date on the best ways to help families.

Different Rules in Different States

Each state has its own rules for marriage and family therapists. Here are some things that can be different:

• Training Requirements: Some states need extra training. For example, New York requires therapists to learn about child abuse. Other states might require learning about domestic violence or drug problems.
• License Renewal: Some states make therapists renew their license every year. Others do it every two or three years. The cost and requirements are different in each state.
• What They Can Do: In some states, marriage and family therapists can only work with couples and families. In other states, they can also help individuals.
• Working Across State Lines: If you want to work with a therapist from another state, make sure they can legally help you. Some states let therapists from other states work there, but others don't.

What to expect in therapy: 

Understanding what happens in therapy can help you feel more comfortable about going.

• First Visit: Your first few visits will be about getting to know each other. The therapist will ask about your family, your problems, and what you want to change. This helps them understand your situation and make a plan to help you.
• Different Ways to Help: Therapists use different methods to help families. Some focus on feelings and emotions. Others help families learn new ways to talk to each other. Some look at how the family is organized and help make changes.
• Who Comes to Sessions:  Sometimes the whole family comes together. Other times, just the parents or just the couple might come. The therapist decides what works best for your family.
• How Long It Takes: Every family is different. Some families feel better after just a few visits. Others need to come for several months. Most families see improvement within 12 to 20 visits.

When Should You Get Help?

1. When Talking Doesn't Work: If your family members can't talk without fighting, or if you feel like no one listens to you, a marriage therapist can teach you better ways to communicate. Family counseling helps families learn to work together instead of against each other.
2. During Big Changes: Big life changes can stress families. This includes:

• Getting married or divorced
• Combining families
• Having a baby
• Moving to a new place
• Job changes

Family counseling can help you handle these changes better.

3. When You Keep Having the Same Fights: If you have the same arguments over and over without solving anything, or if fights are getting worse, a therapist can help you find better ways to solve problems.
4. When Someone Has Mental Health Problems If someone in your family has depression, anxiety, addiction, or other mental health issues, family therapy can help everyone learn how to support each other while staying healthy.

Important things to keep in mind

1. Therapy is Private: What you talk about in therapy stays private. Therapists can only share information in very specific situations, like if someone is in danger.
2. It's Normal to Feel Nervous: Most people feel nervous about starting therapy. This is completely normal. Good therapists understand this and will help you feel comfortable.
3. You Can Change Therapists: If you don't feel comfortable with your therapist after a few visits, it's okay to find someone else. The most important thing is finding someone who feels right for your family.
4. Therapy Isn't Just for Crisis: You don't have to wait until things are really bad to get help. Many families go to therapy to make good relationships even better.

What Makes a Good Marriage and Family Therapist?

When looking for a therapist, here are some good signs:

• They listen well and don't judge you
• They explain things in ways you can understand
• They respect your family's values and culture
• They have experience with problems like yours
• They make you feel safe and comfortable
• They give you practical tools to use at home

How to Talk to Your Family About Going to Therapy

Bringing up the idea of family counseling can feel scary. You might worry that your loved ones will get upset or think you're blaming them. Here are some gentle ways to start this important conversation:

Pick the Right Time and Place: Choose a calm moment when everyone is relaxed. Don't bring it up during or right after an argument. Find a private, comfortable place where you can talk without interruptions.

Use "I" Statements: Instead of saying "You never listen" or "You always get angry," try saying things like:

• "I feel like we're not connecting the way we used to"
• "I think we could all learn better ways to talk to each other"
• "I care about our family and want us to be happier together"

Focus on Love and Care: Make it clear that you want therapy because you love your family, not because you think they're broken. You might say:

• "I love you and want our relationship to be the best it can be"
• "Our family is important to me, and I think we could use some help working together better"
• "I want us all to feel heard and understood"

Explain What Family Counseling Really Is: Many people have wrong ideas about therapy. Help them understand by saying:

• "A marriage and family therapist helps families learn to communicate better"
• "It's not about finding someone to blame - it's about learning new skills together"
• "The therapist is there to help us, not to take sides"

Share Your Feelings: Be honest about how you feel, but don't make it sound like it's all their fault:

• "I feel sad when we argue so much"
• "I miss feeling close to you"
• "I want us to enjoy spending time together again"

Address Common Concerns: Your family members might have worries about therapy. Here's how to respond:

"We don't need therapy - we can handle this ourselves"

• "I know we're strong, but even strong people can benefit from learning new tools"
• "Think of it like going to the gym - we're already healthy, but we want to get stronger"

"Therapy is for crazy people"

• "Therapy is for people who care about their relationships"
• "Lots of healthy families go to therapy to make their relationships even better"

"What will people think?"

• "What we do to help our family is private"
• "Taking care of our family's emotional health is just as important as taking care of our physical health"

"It's too expensive"

• "Let's look into our insurance coverage and see what options we have"
• "Many therapists offer sliding scale fees based on what we can afford"

Make It a Team Decision: Don't make it sound like you've already decided everything. Say things like:

• "What do you think about us talking to someone together?"
• "Would you be willing to try just one session to see how it feels?"
• "I'd like us to make this decision together"

Be Patient: Your family might need time to think about it. Don't pressure them to decide right away. You could say:

• "You don't have to decide now - just think about it"
• "Let's talk about this again in a few days"

Start Small: If they're really resistant, suggest starting small:

• "What if we just try one session to see what it's like?"
• "We could start with just a few sessions and see if it helps"

Be Prepared for Different Reactions: Some family members might be eager to try therapy, while others might be resistant. That's normal. Focus on the people who are willing to participate, and don't force anyone who isn't ready.

Consider Getting Help with the Conversation: If you're really struggling to bring up the topic, you might: 

• Talk to a marriage and family therapist alone first to get advice
• Ask a trusted friend or family member to help you bring it up
• Write a letter if talking feels too hard

Remember, suggesting family counseling shows that you care about your relationships and want them to be better. Even if your family isn't ready right away, planting the seed can help them think about it over time.