How to Talk to Your Therapist if You’re Not Clicking: A Guide to Speaking Up and Getting What You Need

Introduction

It takes courage to start therapy — and even more to admit when it’s not quite working. Maybe you’re weeks into sessions, but something feels off. You don’t feel heard, or maybe you’re just not comfortable being fully open. You’re not sure if it’s a mismatch or something you should push through.

Here’s the truth: it’s okay to speak up. In fact, it’s one of the most powerful things you can do in therapy. Not every therapist-client relationship is the right fit, and naming that discomfort doesn’t make you difficult — it makes you honest. In this post, I’ll explain how to tell if you’re not clicking with your therapist, how to bring it up, and what your options are if you decide to make a change.

It’s Normal Not to Click Right Away

Let’s start with this: therapy is deeply personal, and not every match will be perfect — even if your therapist is warm, experienced, and well-trained.

You might not click with your therapist for a few reasons:
- You have different communication styles
- You don’t feel emotionally safe or understood
- You feel like you're not making progress
- The sessions feel too clinical — or too casual
- There's a cultural or identity mismatch you’re unsure how to name

None of these are about blame — they’re about chemistry, comfort, and connection. It’s totally valid to feel unsure. It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t right for you — just that this fit might not be.

Sometimes it takes a few sessions to warm up, especially if you're used to keeping things private. But if you keep leaving sessions feeling misunderstood or shut down, it’s worth exploring.

You deserve to feel seen and supported. Therapy works best when you trust your provider and feel safe enough to show up fully — even imperfectly.

What to Say (And How to Say It) If It’s Not Working

Talking to your therapist about how you’re feeling can feel intimidating — especially if you’re used to avoiding conflict or don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

But good therapists *want* your honest feedback. It helps us show up better — and helps you advocate for your needs.

Here’s how to approach it:

1. Start with a feeling, not a judgment.

Try:
- “I’ve been feeling a little stuck in our sessions and I’m trying to figure out why.”
- “I notice I’m not as open as I’d like to be, and I wonder if we could talk about that.”
- “There are times I leave feeling unsure if I’m getting what I need — could we explore that?”

2. Name what’s missing.

If you can, be specific. It’s okay to say:
- “I think I need more structure or goals.”
- “I tend to open up more when I feel like there’s space for humor or real talk.”
- “Sometimes I feel like I’m being rushed, and it makes it hard to settle in.”

3. Ask about options.

This might sound like:
- “Do you think this is something we can adjust together?”
- “Have you worked with clients who’ve needed something different before?”
- “Would it make sense to try a different approach — or even consider a referral?”

4. Know you’re allowed to leave.

If after addressing it, the dynamic still doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to stay out of loyalty or guilt. Therapists understand — and ethical ones will support you in finding someone who fits better.

You are never “too much” for wanting the right kind of support.

FAQs:

- Will I hurt their feelings?
Most therapists understand that the relationship is central to progress. Your honesty won’t offend us — it helps us do our job better.

- What if I don’t know what’s wrong?
That’s okay too. Just saying, “I don’t feel like we’re clicking, and I’m not sure why,” is enough to start a conversation.

- Should I ghost them?
Ideally, no. Closure helps both of you. But if you truly feel unsafe, it’s okay to prioritize your own boundaries and move on.

My Perspective as a Therapist

In my practice, I remind clients: Therapy isn’t about pleasing your therapist — it’s about honoring yourself.

I’ve had clients come to me after seeing multiple therapists they didn’t quite connect with — and they often carry guilt or self-blame. My response? You get to be discerning about who gets close to your story. You wouldn’t keep dating someone just because they’re “nice.” You’d want a meaningful connection. Therapy’s no different.

I value collaboration, transparency, and creating a space where clients feel safe *enough to disagree with me.* That’s where real growth begins — not in pretending everything’s fine, but in working through the messy, honest parts.

If your therapist isn’t the right fit, that’s not a failure — it’s information. And you can use that to find someone who truly gets you.

What to Do Next

If you’re unsure whether you and your therapist are clicking, trust that instinct. You don’t have to make a decision today — but you are allowed to ask questions, speak up, and prioritize your emotional safety.

If you decide to move on, you can search for another provider who better fits your style, needs, and goals. The right therapeutic relationship can make all the difference.

You can view my full profile on MiResource or visit psychfusion.com to explore how I approach therapy and support. Whatever you choose — don’t settle for feeling unheard.